Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have targeted with some odd lawsuits. Source: Getty Images
KIM Kardashian's butt isn't just the most viewed — it's the most sued.
The reality TV star is one of the most popular targets of "pro se" lawsuits, the often unhinged legal actions filed without the help of an attorney. Looking for someone to blame for their troubles — or perhaps just looking for attention — plaintiffs like to accuse the rich and famous.
For celebrities, it comes with the territory, said lawyer Martin Garbus, whose high-profile clients have included Lenny Bruce, author Terry McMillan, Michael Moore, Robert Redford and Nelson Mandela.
"I think nobody likes it. I think after a while, you learn to deal with it," he said.
Most pro se cases filed in court against celebrities are tossed before the defendant is even aware they're filed, Garbus said.
"It's very easy, it's very gratifying" for some folks to sue the famous, he said.
Here's a look at some of the alleged wrongdoings of celebrities, based on the cases filed against them.
Kim Kardashian probably laughs at some of these lawsuits. Source: Getty Images
Kim's Kongress:
Before she fell for Kanye, the bootylicious Kim Kardashian had a steamy affair with Florida Senator Marco Rubio in the state capital in Tallahassee — and this plaintiff claims to have the sex tape to prove it!
"I am in possession of this sex tape that Marco Rubio & Kim Kardashian has made and the defendants collectively have been threatening my life with murder, death threats, and bodily harm unless I return the tape to them," says Jonathan Kimberly, a Florida man who lists the Boca Raton headquarters of the National Enquirer as his address.
He sought, but didn't get, a restraining order.
In a separate suit filed in Kentucky (where Kimberly uses the headquarters of media company Gannett as his address), he claims Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian "sped up to me in a A-team van, jumped out with burglar masks and crow bars and began bashing my head … and Kim Kardashian jammed the water hose in my mouth, Khloe pushed a squeegee in my face, I was lathered down with hot soapy water by the defendants which offended me."
He didn't get a restraining order in that case, either.
Kim Kardashian gets sued all the time, the price of fame. Source: Getty Images
More Kim Shenanigans:
A Brooklyn man also claimed to have the dirt on Kardashian — including steamy encounters with quarterback Tim Tebow and Minnesota Republican Michele Bachmann.
Gino Romano alleged this in separate 2012 lawsuits that also claimed the Kardashians ran an "Armenian terrorist training camp in Central Illinois."
Kim and Bachmann apparently got it on at "a Cedar Rapids Wendys," Romano says in an Iowa lawsuit seeking a restraining order.
"I saw Bachmann & Kim Kardashian drinking a Frosty together with 1 straw both wearing 101 Dalmations T-shirts," the filing reads.
"After I saw Kim Kardashian & Bachmann French kissing, I yelled out to Bachmann, 'You lied, You lied to American,' and Bachmann took her shoes off and threw them at my head.
"Kim Kardashian threw her used underwear at me — I got a STD from it."
Romano claims in a Florida filing that he got his hands on a sex tape Kim made "with Tim Tebow dressed as a devil."
Jay Z and Beyonce with daughter Blue Ivy Carter onstage during the 2014 MTV Video Music Awards. Source: Getty Images
I'm Blue Ivy's Mum:
A Bronx woman who went to court against Kardashian, Beyonce and Mariah Carey, implying she's really the mother of the superstars' offspring, says she's really just misunderstood.
Tina Seals, 43, told The Post she never meant to imply she was the real mother of Beyonce's baby Blue Ivy, or songstress Carey's twins, or Kardashian's daughter, when she filed lawsuits this summer in Manhattan Federal court against the stars claiming to be "associated with" them, and asking to "verify maternity."
"I didn't know it was going to be such a firestorm," she told The Post when asked about her claims, before launching into an explanation — sort of — of how she believes her DNA is being "trafficked."
Instead of getting knocked up the old fashioned way, celebrities, Seals says, often use "services" to get pregnant. The mother of three grown children, who believes a baby was recently stolen out of her own body, says the stars need to know their babies could have come from illicit genetic material.
So naturally, she asked Carey in court papers for "five vocal sessions with Moriah's [sic] vocal coach 5 cd's produced mixed mastered distributed by Moriah's label with her featured on one and all five endorsed by her."
When it comes to Blue Ivy, daughter of Beyonce and Jay-Z, Seals is much more direct.
"I was associated with defendants in a quasi arrangement during the time at Blue Ivy's birth and would like to verify maternity."
She also wants "mandated mediation pending test results" because, "I desire to preserve this relationship as these are great people!"
Gwyneth Paltrow is NOT dating Donald Sterling. Source: Getty Images
Gwyneth and Sterling:
"I ain't the real Chris Martin da singer, But [sic] Donald Sterling of the Clippers think [sic] I am," a man named Chris Martin wrote in a July lawsuit filed in Florida, in which he seeks $10 million and an emergency restraining order against Sterling and — who else? — actress Gwyneth Paltrow.
The pair, Martin explains matter-of-factly, are lovers, for which Paltrow gets paid $500,000 a month so the two can "breed" tall, blonde, blue-eyed offspring "under Sterlings Nazi Aryan Beliefs."
Sterling threatened him in an apparent case of mistaken identity, according to Martin: "My phone rings, and at the same time a rock throws through my window and tires screeched away. I pick up the phone and it's Donald Sterling.
"I catfish yo chick Gywyneth [sic]," Sterling allegedly taunted. "Back off ... Cold Play sucks."
Martin, not the singer, insists, ""I'm just a innocent victim — wrong Chris Martin. I'm also gay and I smoke medical marijuana and I got PTSD from the illegal war in Iraq, so I don't need this crap and feel like a mouse trapped ... I don't want no more Sterling calls.
"I'm in danger. I'm an emotional wreck. I seek $10 million dollars."
Martin, who put down the Manhattan headquarters of pharmaceutical giant Pfizer as his address, got nada.
Some guy wanted royalties from Michael Jackson's Thriller. The judge told him to beat it. Source: Supplied
It's a Thriller:
When your dad is the Godfather of Soul, you're bound to pen some hit music, right?
Colorado man Vincent E. Loggins — who claims he was fathered by James Brown in Kingston, Jamaica — accused music legends Diana Ross, Smoky Robinson [sic] and famed Motown producer Berry Gordie in 2010 of taking music from him, and asked for Quincy Jones and rapper Ice Tea to serve as character witnesses.
But what he really wanted, Loggins said, was royalties from Michael Jackson's Thriller, the lyrics of which he claims he "scribbled on pulp wrote with indian ink ... while residing in the state of Oklahoma."
Bad boy Bieber is no stranger to being in court. Source: Supplied
$800 Billion Please:
She's leaving nothing to chance.
A San Jose, Calif., woman named Suki Lee had a beef with a wide variety of folks, including Justin Bieber, actress Keke Palmer, TLC rapper T-Boz, and each of their "entire" families, as well as the CEO of Twitter, because the social media platform "has allowed Keke Palmer to impersonate [her]."
That is, when the artists aren't "stealing [her] music off the internet and saleing [sic] it for millions of dollars."
For her troubles, Lee asked a judge to award her $800 billion in damages — which was denied when her case was tossed.
Is Dancing With The Stars discriminatory? A judge said no. Picture: Mike Keating. Source: News Corp Australia
Footloose in a Federal Pen:
A Pennsylvania crook with a penchant for filing wacky federal lawsuits outdid himself in 2010 when he sued the cast of Dancing with the Stars — which at the time included actress Shannen Doherty, Erin Andrews, NFLer Chad Ochocinco and astronaut Buzz Aldrin — for "promoting adultery."
Jonathan Lee Riches, a federal prison inmate who by some estimates has filed 5,000 frivolous lawsuits nationwide, claimed the TV show was "discriminating against ... Muslim faith by promoting adultery and dancing is forbidden in Islam and we are being forced to watch the defendants enjoy themselves on television while billions of people in the world cannot afford a TV set."
Riches insisted he wasn't alone: he listed Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Underwear Bomber, as his co-plaintiff. He filed from a Kentucky prison, where Riches was serving time for wire fraud.
"Defendants don't care about global hunger and defendants dirty dancing acts offends us, and promotes sexual activity for minors watching the show," the suit charged.
Riches demanded a restraining order, but a judge, citing Riches history of litigation — which includes posing as Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff and suing himself — shot down the suit.
Some guy reckons he writes all of Jay-Z's songs. Source: AFP
99 Problems, and He's One:
So where does Jay-Z get his inspiration? A Florida man has the answer.
"I ghost write for Mr. Carter all the way to 2014," writes Jeffney Philistin in an October lawsuit against Jay-Z, whose given name is Shawn Carter, and the rapper's superstar wife, Beyonce.
Philistin, 27, who is serving a 30-year prison sentence for robbery in Florida, says he began corresponding with Jay-Z back in 2010, through a fellow inmate named "Chuck," who encouraged Philistin to send Jay-Z lyrics through the mail so "he can up grade in this new era."
Months later, Philistin claims, he heard Jay-Z using his words on a single from the disc Watch the Throne.
"Mr. Carter has stolen the plaintiff lyrics, style, physical image through his lyrics. Also the plaintiff have given [sic] the defendant Mr. Carter ideas on how to write lyrics, how to zone rap, and other ideas how to write in universal god language."
Philistin, who has been in jail since 2006, says Jay-Z even wrote him a letter, admitting that it was Philistin who "gave [him] the most help in this music industry, but I refuse to pay you. I know you are thinking I am a millionaire but that's just how it is I have con [sic] you."
Because he hasn't gotten his promised payment, the prison inmate is demanding $90 million in damages.
Don't mess with Clint Eastwood. Source: News Corp Australia
Unforgiven:
A Michigan woman seeking a cool $343 million in damages says her screenplays have been repeatedly pilfered by none other than Dirty Harry.
In a lengthy tale of corruption, theft and family despair, Jill Crittenden alleges Clint Eastwood stole a screenplay she wrote, after it was lifted by co-workers who burgled her home.
Jill Crittenden sought a 2012 search warrant for all of the "banks and properties" of the actor-director, along with 24 other defendants ranging from her ex-colleagues to Disney.
But it wasn't the first time she and Eastwood crossed paths, Crittenden said. "I had thrown a screenplay called Divine Love over the fence of Clint Eastwoods and had tried to met [sic] him but learned later he was a subsidiary of Time Warner ... I was too poor to fight Clint Eastwood and his cleverness."
A judge did not make her day — shooting the suit down in court.
This article originally appeared in the New York Post.
