Russell knows how to get the ladies. Picture: File Source: Supplied
SEX . It's a great thing, right? Maybe even the best thing, when shared between two or more people. Problem is, for us fellas, it's not always the easiest thing in the world to get.
The ladies, they can be a fickle bunch - one day they're going on about how they want a man who's assertive and confident, and the next they say they want a man who'll listen, who's sensitive and probably something else but I wasn't really paying attention (there was football on TV).
The moral is, getting laid is hard enough when we don't go ahead and further sabotage our chances, and yet that's what I see so many guys doing. There's no shortage of men out there moping around and asking themselves why they aren't getting more action, as though they're an otherwise perfect catch and society must have put them on some kind of sexual blacklist. Well, society didn't. You did. Here's how:
You're boring
It's pretty universal that when we're picking sex partners, we're likely to go with the more interesting candidate if given a choice. In order to be interesting, that means having interests of some kind. Any kind, really. There's a reason that a lot of chicks dig guys who are artsy or musical, and it's because those men can easily demonstrate that they have pursuits that fall outside the realm of finding food, finding shelter or finding sex.
Now, that's not to say the most boring man in the world isn't a guitarist who focuses on nothing else, or that the most interesting man in the world isn't an accountant who also happens to enjoy painting and amateur paleontology. There are no concrete rules, but if you spend your life simply going to work, looking for sex and then subsequently complaining about your lack of sex, you're not going to have much luck.
You make changes for the wrong reasons
Did you read that and then immediately run out and take up some new hobbies with the intention of getting laid? Of course you did, you fool. Fact is, life doesn't work that way. You can certainly make some changes in your life that may lead to you doing better with the ladies, but you can't make changes for the express purpose of getting laid and expect it to work. If you're, say, a normal dudebro who does normal dudebro things like drink beers and watch sports, why are you all of a sudden signing up for a pilates class? Do you even know what pilates is? Now, there's nothing wrong with putting yourself in a better position to meet more women, but if that's your only motivation, they're going to know it right away. If you don't have any success with your new hobby, you'll give up and will have wasted time and money with nothing to show for it. Instead, if you're going to make positive changes in your life, make them for you. Don't join the expensive gym because it has all the hot babes; join the one that will be most conducive to getting you TOTALLY JACKED. Do you enjoy cooking? Then why are you taking a painting class? Take a cooking class instead.
It's always good to try something new, but ask yourself this: If someone told you your activity of choice was going to consist of only men, would you still do it? If the answer is no, maybe find something more relevant to your interests.
Your Priorities Are Screwed Up
I see a lot of guys go out, and they're looking for... something. They just aren't sure what, exactly. Going out with the specific intention of sleeping with women can be fine, provided you're able to find some girls who are after the same thing (this is rare). A lot of other guys go out with no real plan or agenda, and there's nothing wrong with enjoying a night out with your friends. In fact, if you spend a lot of free time searching for "prey," this can be a great change of pace. Most guys, though, will go out without any clear idea of what they want, and then wind up discouraged when their night doesn't magically end in sex. Are you so pent up that you're just looking for a release? Well, you have hands and an internet connection for that. Are you looking for someone to whom you can vent your frustrations and feelings? You need friends, not a lover. Do you want to have an intense, deeply emotional connection with someone? You're not looking for sex, you're looking for a relationship.
The only way to get whatever it is you're after is to want the same thing most women (and normal people) want - a night spent meeting people, having a lot of fun and maybe ending in copulation if it feels right. Having fun and being a fun person is what leads to sex, not the other way around.
Your Standards Are Off
If you're really just looking to go out, meet someone and get laid, you can't, on the other hand, be super picky about who that person is. That's just life. If you've decided, through whatever process, that you're going out and viewing women as sex objects that exist solely for your satisfaction, you have to be willing to accept a woman who will not only allow herself to be seen that way, but sees you the same way herself. Those women definitely exist, but the reality is that it's not going to be the tall, smoldering brunette with a killer personality and a lot of friends around her.
If you're going to admit your desperation in seeking out a one-night stand, you need someone equally desperate, and desperate people tend not to be well-adjusted social butterflies. Those women don't have a problem attracting male attention, so nothing you can say or do in the course of an evening is going to convince her to take a chance on you and let you upstairs (or downstairs, as the metaphor may be). Look -- everyone falls into slumps, and sometimes in order to feel attractive or like you've "still got it," you need a warm body beneath you. That's fine, just don't expect that warm body to be Kate Upton's.
You're Delusional
A lot of guys don't get any play because they're too busy feeling sorry for themselves. After all, if you can't love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to? Other guys have the opposite problem, or at least the same problem but with the opposite cause -- they think the problem lies with everyone else. They have this attitude that basically says, "I'm living the dream and absolutely killing it over here, but these bitches don't seem to want to put out." If that's you, then you probably need to grow up a little.
Having a job that allows you to make your revelry even more Dionysian than it was in uni does not an adult make. Adult women want to sleep with adult males, and being annihilated at 1AM on a Tuesday doesn't exactly convey ambition or responsibility. If you haven't changed your ways (and not just habits, but attitude in general) as you've grown older, don't be surprised when Lake Hoohaa dries up. They've just moved on to guys they have more in common with. Besides, blaming everyone else makes you sound like a crazy person. "Jeez, all these people are nuts. At least I have my tinfoil hat to keep the government from recording my thoughts."
Whatever the case, most problems come down to an issue of attitude and self-awareness. If you live your life and accomplish things in such away that you believe you're a pretty swell dude, other people, women, will start to agree. The sooner you know who you are and what you want, the sooner the ladies will want to know those things as well.
This article originally appeared on AskMen.
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