Boland details suicide attempt

Raising awareness ... Adam Boland gives a raw account of his battle with bipolar. Picture: Attila Szilvasi Source: News Limited

FORMER TV executive Adam Boland shares the excruciating details of his mental unravelling in the days after the misfired launch of Channel 10's Wake Up breakfast show and Studio 10.

In a confronting episode of ABC documentary series Australian Story — to air next Monday night — Boland confirms he contemplated suicide as he struggled keep control of his bipolar disorder and live up to overwhelming industry expectation.

Recreating the night trauma which saw him paced frenetically around his CBD apartment and consider jumping from its high-level balcony, Boland says it was "something, a little light in the back of my head" which finally helped him win the war over thoughts of self-harm, after feeling "like a failure" when his new shows were a ratings and critical flop.

"I remember walking that way (towards the balcony) and I did it a couple of times ... I kept walking towards it and I thought 'just open the door, man up, do that stuff' ... but there must have been something, a little light in the back of my head said 'get control and go and wake up (boyfriend) Kenny'".

His partner Kenny Ang recounts how a simple exchange with a paramedic who responded to their call for help threatened to send Boland over the edge again — recognising him as "that guy from Sunrise."

Happy times ... Adam Boland with his partner Kenny Ang. Picture: Instagram Source: Supplied

Desperate to shake the tag and find an identity beyond the show he had led to success for 10 years, Boland said: "I didn't want the reminder ... that's part of the problem ... I am not that guy from Sunrise ... please!"

While news of his health emergency was received with cynicism by many of his industry rivals and those Boland concedes "hate me," his depressive disintegration was taken seriously by doctors at St Vincents hospital and his Ten colleagues, including Studio 10 protege Rob McKnight who urged him to retreat to his mother's island home in Vanuatu.

Boland talks through his career, which began at the age of 18 on Brisbane radio, before making the move to television working for Sky News and Seven.

But stalking his job successes was always his battle with the black dog of depression.

Describing his lows, Boland says: "you question everything including your own validity and you end up feeling immensely trapped by your own mind and you just want to escape."

Riding the mental roller-coaster he says: "the ups are really, really awesome ... you don't need to sleep, you operate at a pace that leaves others exhausted and I often did exhaust many of the people on my team."

Morning crew ... Adam Boland during his time on Seven's Sunrise program. Source: Supplied

His former Seven colleague and Ten's new head of news, Peter Meakin jokes "most people who are in television are partially deranged," but praises Boland as one of the most talented people he has ever worked with who struggles because "he doesn't have an off switch."

Boland admits he struggles with a "deep sense of guilt" and is reduced to tears, berating himself for not using his TV platform to improve understanding of the illness which has forced him out of the job he once lived for and loved.

"I had a top rating show for a decade, so why didn't I use that to do more?"

* Australian Story airs Adam Boland's episode Out Of The Box, Monday March 24, at 7.30pm on ABC1.

IF YOU NEED EMERGENCY MENTAL HEALTH ASSISTANCE CALL LIFELINE FOR 24-HOUR CARE ON 13 11 14 or SEE YOUR LOCAL GP.

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