Our big gripe with I’m A Celebrity

On I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! Andrew Daddo VS Russell Crowe. Courtesy: Channel Ten

On I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! Chrissie Swan And Joel Creasey Camp Firestarters. Courtesy: Channel Ten

AS WE have all come to realise by now, mild torture is one of the main sources of entertainment on this program.

I understand that; I get it. Hell, occasionally I even enjoy it.

But there are two people over there in Africa who every night have to undergo the most inhumane form of torture ever to have been devised by the mind of a sociopath. Which is why I must now beg, nay not beg, but plead (I think plead is stronger) in the name of all that is decent and human: Please stop making Julia Morris and Dr Chris Brown do those god-awful puns every time they run down the list of possible victims to be chosen for the next Tucker Trial.

Seriously, she is a loved comedian and he's a vet, for heaven's sake.

In fact he's the Bondi Vet - what has he ever done wrong, except maybe overcharge an eastern suburbs matriarch for a poodle neutering? Enough already with the puns. They - and we - have suffered enough.

It's Tucker time. Source: Channel 10

And speaking of suffering, let's talk Freddie Flintoff. He's cute, he's charming, he's witty, he has never had an unexpressed thought in his life. Even with his head sealed off and surrounded by locusts, Freddie refused to shut up even for one second. Better to inhale a mouth full of insects than miss the opportunity to say something mildly cutting to Dr Chris.

Did I mention that he's a vet by the way? He occasionally does.

Mind you though, Freddie's "cheeky chappie" persona got him into a bit of trouble later in the show. Look, I'm certain that health and safety would have taken each of the campers away for a bit of a drill before shooting started. You know the usual stuff, how to apply a tourniquet if bitten by a snake, what to do if a baboon gets a bit too close, and of course the most important safety tip of all ... whatever you do, DO NOT pi** off Barry Hall!

Freddie goes too far Source: Channel 10

Freddie pushed the big man a bit too far and when Barry quietly suggested that if he did it again, he would ask the girls to leave camp so he could sort Freddie out. Hell, even I got worried and I'm not that fond of Freddie.

Having said that, Freddie did make a great stab at the Tucker Trial which involved not only locusts, but frogs and ... hey, hang on a minute is it just me or is this show slowly turning into a parade of Old Testament plagues? Ah, yes the Old Testament. I should have seen this coming, that's what's going to happen. Maureen will arise one day, turn to camera (which shouldn't be a problem seeing she has already scoped just where each and every "hidden" camera on camp actually is (the old pro that she is) and loudly proclaim "Let My People GO".

At which point the camp will follow out into 40 years in the wilderness or until Channel Ten schedule a reunion special in a few weeks from now.

The animals were up there, two by two, huzzah! Source: Channel 10

Oh and another thought crossed my mind this evening just as Freddie stuck his head into yet another bucket of elephant dung. Actually two thoughts, my first was: "that is genuinely funny" and my next was just what is the elephant dung budget on this program? It does feature heavily, and I know just how large an elephant is, I've seen them at the zoo. But how are they keeping up supply, is there a stall at the local market or is there one particular Jumbo with a reputation for providing poo for reality programs that they keep on a retainer?

I bet he's also the bugger that's writing those puns.

Mikey Robins spent seven years behind the microphone as host of Triple J's National breakfast show before becoming a team leader on the iconic Channel Ten series, Good News Week. He recently added stand up comedy to his long list of achievements. He performed at the Melbourne and Sydney Comedy festivals and in 2011 Mikey went to Afghanistan to entertain the troops. You can follow him on Twitter @MikeyRobins

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