The annoying things Celebs do in the jungle

Written By komlim puldel on Kamis, 26 Februari 2015 | 20.01

Tyson Mayr: Astounded he's still there. Source: Channel 10

EVERYBODY'S roles are becoming patently clear on I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.

It's Anna's job to be thin and beautiful, and after the whole camp participates in a game called 'Tower Of Treats', which is actually 'Pantry Staples Jenga', it is Anna's job to present the camp with a basket brimming with treats.

Or, y'know. A basket rattling around with the sachets of pepper, butter and sauce that someone scraped from under the booth cushions at a motel cafeteria.

It's Maureen's job to mispronounce things, misunderstand things, fly the cougar flag and be a total champion when it comes to sharing sneaky cheesy garlic bread with selected campmates, unbeknownst to the others.

The weirdest secret challenges are those in which people pretend not to eat luxury items by hiding under blankets or, in Chrissie's case, just brazenly walking around with her cheeks full. This is a weird world, people.

Freddie's job is to not let his son participate in maypole dancing, because maypole dancing is for

girls. Freddie's job is therefore to raise the trigger-alerted eyebrows of most reasonable Australians.

Freddie Flintoff: Brow raiser. Source: Channel 10

Maureen McCormick: The mispronouncer. Source: Channel 10

Barry's job is to fold his blankets and clothes neatly and place them neatly and secure his bandanna neatly and build the fire neatly and pile his pillows neatly and sit neatly and do all of this completely punctually and on time. I suspect that he's not bald, he just considers head hair untidy.

Please note that it is NOT Barry's job to get the acronym for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder right.

Chrissie's job is to whittle a line into a log for every day that has passed (27, for those of you without your own log at home), and to come up with the best home- bedding concept of all time.

She tells a story of how her kids always end up in hers and her partner's king size bed, so they just pushed a double bed up against it to make one giant, room-filling bed. I'm happy for you to stop reading this for a sec while you go and set up exactly the same deal in your own bedroom. Go on. I'll wait.

Chrissie Swan: Bedding expert. Source: Channel 10

Barry Hall: Neat freak. Source: Channel 10

Joel's job, in the Tucker Trial challenge, is to get as many Hollywood celebrity questions right as

possible in order to avoid being dunked suddenly into a vat of extremely revolting-looking water.

Joel is very, very terrible at his job.

Julie's job title is Senior Vice President In Charge Of Nauseated Retching.

By contrast, she is spectacularly good at her job. Today's Tucker Trial, of which she is undoubtedly the champion, involves her spending as much time as Joel's woeful question-answering will allow in five different triangular triangles of terrible things.

She must crawl around in snakes, ants, rats, crocodiles, awful celebrity name puns and what looks like an entire suburb's week-old exploded turduckens in order to claim much fresher tasty treats for her fellow campers.

She handles four of the disturbing triangles with gallant aplomb (although I'm fairly sure she smiles at a crocodile, which we all know is against the law), but the guts and poo triangle — not so much. Making noises like a blocked toilet in the noisiest part of Hell, she gags and hoiks in a way that would make a cat with a peach-sized furball blush. Weirdly, being elbow-deep in entrails and excrement puts her off her dinner.

Merv's job in this episode is the same as in every episode — to pinpoint whatever annoys other

people and then embrace that thing with uncommon gusto. He realises, with keen sleuthing skills

and sharp intuition, that Andrew Daddy Daddo is a little bit into crafts, and notices that he doesn't like being given whittling advice.

Putting two and two together, he proceeds to give Daddy Daddo as much whittling advice as he can possibly muster. Everybody has a friend like Merv. Nobody knows why.

Aside from being Chief Whittler, it's Daddy Daddo's job to consult the 'Spirit Guide' about all manner of things, thanks to some psychic skills that he picked up from a program he was on in the past.

Unfortunately for his predictive skills, he only manages to get in contact with the work-experience Spirit Guide who can't even find the tearoom and accidentally sets off the fire alarm. My faith in psychics remains as sturdy as it has always been.

Andrew Daddo: Psychic. Source: Channel 10

Merv Hughes: Troublemaker. Source: Channel 10

Tyson's job is to make me literally astounded that he's still there.

And Dr Chris & Julia's job is to completely and blatantly rig the voting, getting Barry and Frair-ie Flin-off the viewer vote to be the next Tucker Trial participants.

My job is to think that's really quite self-referential and postmodern. But then, I'm a bit of a wanker.

Jo Thornely doesn't get enough attention at her day job, so she writes for various outlets, takes up way too much bandwidth on the internet, and loves it when you explain her jokes back to her on Twitter. Follow her on Twitter @JoThornely


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