Why I’m A Celebrity is getting ‘disturbing’

Written By komlim puldel on Kamis, 05 Februari 2015 | 20.01

They call him Big, Bad, Barry. And tonight's episode of I'm A Celebrity ... showed why. Source: Supplied

"THIS show is disturbing"

Not my words, oh no, they were uttered by AFL legend Barry Hall as he came home from tonight's Tucker Trial, and never has a truer phrase been uttered on Australian television.

Because tonight we went into some very dark places, seriously, I'm starting to get the feeling that the producers of this program have some issues that they need to resolve by a quick finger painting session in a quiet room somewhere.

For those of you who managed to miss it, Barry had to climb into what can only be described as a 'shallow grave'.

Now there's something always guaranteed to brighten up anyone's day.

But that wasn't gross enough, no, why stop there? Why not fill the shallow grave with rats! Heaps of rats!

And then just for the hell of it flood this tomb from hell so the rats are forced to seek higher-ground, higher-ground meaning in this case Barry's chest, face and most worrying of all … Barry's groin.

Just watch where they bite, Barry. Source: Supplied

Barry looking clearly impressed by the challenge. Source: Supplied

What's this? Oh, just a shallow grave. Source: Supplied

This is the sort of stuff that even Edgar Alan Poe would have gone "Nah, I can't write that, it's too bleak, how about I just put a pendulum in the pit"?

As a sports fan who has long admired Barry Hall's skill and courage on the footy field I sat there on my couch thinking, 'surely there must be another Australian who deserves to be put in his place'?

But then I read in the newspaper that they had confiscated Eddie Obeid's passport.

As Barry lasted the whole ten minutes in this living nightmare my wife slowly appeared from behind her fortress of cushions to whisper, "How cool is Barry Hall?"

How cool? Look if we didn't know it already, Mad Bad Barry Hall has got a set of man jewels the size of a pair of Sherrins.

Which brings me to another sporting legend, if you are of a certain demographic you will have fond memories of the awesome sight of 'swervin' Mervin Hughes, a key part of Australia's lethal, cricket pace attack.

That was then.

Now quite frankly I have seen fjords move faster then Merv, apart from one throwing challenge (at which he thankfully excelled) it seems the most Merv seems to exert himself is to occasionally scratch himself, wobble his belly or let loose one of the supposed (and this is by his own reckoning) seventy plus farts he let's loose a day.

And that was before he had falafels for dinner.

Seriously by tomorrow morning there should be a warthog sitting at the end of Merv's bed, giving him that warthog look that means "not cool dude, really not cool your stinking up the whole jungle".

I'm making the assumption that warthogs have evolved to at least this level on non-verbal communication.

Apart from that we had Mister Daddo elected camp leader to which his first proclamation was "to lead is not to lead" which means if we get Andrew out in time he has a fair chance of being our next Prime Minister.

But having said that he did allocate tasks well (I could keep the Canberra analogy going) and managed to keep his temper when those sitting on the bench questioned some of his decisions.

OK that's it, come on down Prime Minister Daddo.

Although he did almost lose it when Maureen seemed to have a little difficulty preparing dinner. But hang on, that was Maureen's only little stumble of the day.

As the rest of the camp get crazier and crazier, as witnessed by Joel and Chrissie's "I'm tired, its draining, it's exhausting" rant, the ex-Brady Buncher grows stronger and stronger, as if she and the jungle are becoming one.

Bringing them all to a terrifying animalistic conclusion.

Either that or she'll tap out in the first week.

So it seems the celebrity's problems are boredom, I could be cruel here but why bother.

And hunger. Now here's the rub Laura, she of the "I'm taking part if I dip my hand into the tub of elephant shit while you dive into it" attitude towards Tucker Trials is responsible for how much food the camp will have over the next three days!

Which means by my prediction at some stage over the next seventy-two hours Merv will be the first to suggest cannibalism with Maureen first to second that motion.

Follow Mikey Robins on Twitter.


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