Whatâ€™s Maureenâ€™s evil plan?

This was never going to be pretty. Source: Channel 10

IN ANY work environment, in the civilised world, if you are forced by your colleagues or employees to ingest live insects and other repellent things such as possibly rotten meat and withhold sustenance from them if they didn't perform this odious task, it would be called workplace bullying and the ensuing lawsuit would bankrupt your company.

But do it in Africa in front of a television audience and it's called prime time entertainment!

More of that later, right now I have some pressing issues to deal with before we get to that particular dry, heaving giggle fest.

Firstly a quick message to the alpha male baboon that accidentally wandered into camp.

"My Dear Fellow Primate, You are not contractually obliged to appear on this program. Run, flee this place, be free, and most of all TELL THE OTHERS!"

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I myself have chosen to spend all of my adult life avoiding sleeping underneath the stars. But I do have enough hideous memories from my childhood to remember that at all cost one should strive to avoid sing-a-longs. Nothing good can come of a sing-a-long. Remember The Crusades started with four Norman knights sitting around an eleventh century camp fire belting a few lusty choruses of "Koombiah" and look how that ended up.

So could the celebrities please refrain from bursting into improvised sing-a-longs every ten minutes? And we all know who the worst offenders are.

Her facial expressions are gold though, right? Source: Channel 10

More on Maureen McCormick's reaction to the Tucker Trial later. Source: Channel 10

Seriously, you remove some one under the age of thirty from their social media accounts and it's only a few days before they go completely bonkers and start carving "selfies" into the local flora and fauna.

Speaking of madness, isn't it tough enough just being in the jungle in the first place without some of the contestants having to turn it into an impromptu gym?

It's about as ridiculous as Robert Falcon Scott taking a few yoga mats on his Antarctic expeditions because surviving in the wild is simply just not exercise enough.

Also speaking of madness, Maureen is really starting to grow on me. But that as we all know is part of her evil plan.

Which brings me to the main reason we watch the show, The Tucker Trials!

And this one really was a tucker trial!

Yep. This impressed. Source: Supplied

Maureen is clearly impressed with her meal. Source: Channel 10

Maureen made so much noise at one stage that I thought that the baboon might make a reappearance just to ask her to "keep the bloody racket down!" Source: Channel 10

Every gross thing imaginable from fly pupae to living, wriggling cockroaches was included in this trial, all of which had to be consumed to gather actual edible food for the others.

And what a couple of contestants we had. Merv Hughes and Maureen McCormick, ah good old Merv and Maureen. Now doesn't that pairing sound just like your favourite aunt and uncle who met at seventies swingers party.

But they toughed it out, consuming live wriggling, puke-inducing snack after snack.

Although Maureen did make so much noise at one stage that I thought that the afore mentioned baboon might make a reappearance just to ask her to "keep the bloody racket down!"

They then baulked at the pigs nose and tail, both of which I have to confess I have not only eaten but really enjoy.

Merv did down the snout but Maureen refused to go anywhere near the pig. And this was her reason, she's a vegetarian!

Fair enough I say but didn't she just only minutes before consume a live a thrashing cockroach in her own mouth? She comes across as crazy, but she's crazy like a fox.

First she will win the others over. Then they will begin to worship her and ultimately they will all end up committing unspeakable acts directed by her as she channels the ghost of Anne B Davis (Alice the Cleaner).

Either that or, as I have already said, she taps out in the first week.

And a quick shout out to Dr Chris and Julia, nice job explaining the voting procedures kids.

It's a real art in ten seconds or less getting across an electoral procedure slightly less complicated than picking a new Pope.